After recently purchasing an iPhone, I excitedly volunteered to start reviewing iPhone games for The Portable Gamer. With games like Metal Gear Solid coming to the platform, I was looking forward to something to really dig my teeth into. So when my first review turned out to be Pee Monkey: Jungle Fire, I knew this had to be some cruel joke of fate. Needless to say, I went in expecting the worst.

Update Released: March 19, 2009
Price: $0.99
Developer/Publisher: ExoWeb Labs
Verdict: Buy It (dude, it’s only a buck)
Pros: Releases your inner middle schooler
Cons: Your more mature friends may point and laugh

Amazingly enough, not only did the game quickly change my opinion; it also caused me to revert back into an immature ten year old. The story of the game revolves around a small clan of monkeys, caught in the midst of a billowing forest fire. As the flames rain down from above, one gifted specimen steps forward. Channeling the courageous message of Smokey the Bear, he takes one last trip to the watering hole. The fate of your entire species rests on your ridiculously overfilled bladder, after all, “only you can prevent forest fires.”

With a name like Pee Monkey, I am guessing that you can figure out the key mechanics of the game fairly easily. Obviously flaunting that he has the prostate of a five year old, you use the tilt controls to control the simian flying through the air, where he can release his highly compressed flow of primate piss onto the masses below. Fortunately, you have the ability to consume volumes of water that would make a camel cross its legs, only to be released at a moment’s frantic notice.

Your main goal is to protect the female monkeys of your species from being lit on fire, where they will run around like chickens with their heads cut off, further fanning the flames. If said monkeys were to become the unfortunate victims of an errant ember, you would be forced to turn your portable fire hose on them, ultimately squelching the fire, while scaring the poor chimp for life. Trust me on this; years of therapy cannot erase the smell of monkey urine from your soul.

As you pass from stage to stage, more remnants of the inferno will continue to fall to the ground, eventually lighting nearly everything ablaze. The casualty count will begin to rise, consuming both plants an animal alike. Much like in real life, the location of your stream becomes very critical and pinpoint accuracy is necessary. But don’t become frustrated, because it is just like your mother used to say: practice makes perfect. Luckily, there are only ten stages in the game, so if you manage to reach that level, continuing is a reward in and of itself.

Featuring a quirky aesthetic and unique art style, the game screams of immature bliss. The amusing sounds effects further emphasize the slant that the game is taking towards the tween crowd. Regardless of your opinions on the wildlife preservation, the ever decreasing primate population, or public urination, Pee Monkey: Jungle Fire has plenty to bring to the table. Clocking in at a mere 99 cents, this is a must buy for future firefighters everywhere.